A massive, animated conspiracy of evil doers - Now that's a movie!

I forget how I wound up on Newsmax today, but wind up there I did. I was cruising for news of the right. Lo, I spied an example of a common weapon in ideological warfare: Using an isolated incident to describe the motives of a large group of people. In this case, a couple of vandals spray-painted a swastika on a pro-Bush billboard. The headline read,Hollywood Vandalizes Bush Billboards. You know, as in, all 50,000 people in Hollywood using one can of spray paint?

That Hollywood. What will they ruin next? Your kids. How will they do it? They will advanace their secret Transexual ways through clever, funny cartoons like Shrek 2. The Traditional Values Coalition has issued a Fatwah, if you will, against the film because it contains jokes about cross dressing. In a "Special Report," A Gender Identity Disorder Goes Mainstream - Cross-dressers, Transvestites, And Transgenders Become Militants In The Homosexual Revolution [pdf], the group targets the gender bending bartender and thong-wearing Pinnochio. Now, if there ever were militants in the homosexual revolution Pinnochio and a bartender voiced by Larry King would have to be it. I am absolutely frozen with terror.

But hang on a second. If you think Shrek is scary, you've got another thing coming. That's the least of your troubles. His Holiness, the Pope has taken a break from his march towards last rites. He has emerged from his ecstatic communion with God to identify an "Ideology of Evil." Defacing pictures of Bush is one thing. Pinnochio in a thong is worse. But according to the Pope, gay marriage is in an entirely different universe of bad. It belongs in the category of something "... insidious and hidden, which attempts to pit human rights against the family and against man." Does that even make sense? Can one pit a human right, like say, freedom, against man himself? Does the Pope have an electric ray gun under his pointy hat that shoots crazy thoughts into his head?

Unfortunately, Newsmax, the Traditional Values Cooalition or the Pope aren't lucid, but lucky for us they have the makings of a great movie: Hollywood in a pit with Pinnochio and humans wearing thongs on their Bushes fighting for their rights against families and man. Toss in a couple of pathological priests, a robot, Sponge Bob and oh, I don't know, 1,000 live lobsters and the entire Burning Man festival - oh and that weird dude that dances on on the six flag commercials.

It would make as much sense and be more entertaining.