GOP willing to destroy Christmas in order to save it
The GOP took another step towards its ultimate goal of saving all that is holy during this Christmas Season, even if it means they have to kill Christmas to do it. "We realized that only 95% of Americans properly revere Christmas, and even then, some are suspiciously secular in their enjoyment of the event. This is a crisis of leadership," commented Rep. Jo Ann Davis (R-VA) the sponsor of H. Res. 579, Expressing the sense of the House of Representatives that the symbols and traditions of Christmas should be protected. She continued, "We realize that the spirit of Christ and of the day itself will be a barren, charred, corpse of its former self, but that's the price we are willing to pay for 100% allegiance to the symbols of Christmas . Sometimes you have to hurt something you love in order to save it, and we are the right people at the right time to do just that," she continued.
posted by Chris Dykstra @ 6:58 PM |
| 
6 Comments:
Holy shit. These people are absolutely off their collective nut. "100% allegiance to the symbols of Christmas..."? That's a wonderful way to gain conversions *cough*
I've always had total and complete allegiance to the Christmas tree, wrapped presents, and cookies shaped like wreaths. What other symbols are there?
Who needs The Onion when you have the GOP? You cannot satirize this. Wow.
Rep. John Dingell (D-MI): "Madam Speaker, I have a little poem.
'Twas the week before Christmas and all through the House,
no bills were passed `bout which Fox News could grouse.
Tax cuts for the wealthy were passed with great cheer,
so vacations in St. Barts soon should be near.
Katrina kids were all nestled snug in motel beds,
while visions of school and home danced in their heads.
In Iraq, our soldiers need supplies and a plan,
and nuclear weapons are being built in Iran.
Gas prices shot up, consumer confidence fell.
Americans feared we were in a fast track to ..... well.
Wait, we need a distraction, something divisive and wily,
a fabrication straight from the mouth of O'Reilly.
We will pretend Christmas is under attack,
hold a vote to save it, then pat ourselves on the back.
Silent Night, First Noel, Away in the Manger,
Wake up Congress, they're in no danger.
This time of year, we see Christmas everywhere we go,
From churches to homes to schools and, yes, even Costco.
What we have is an attempt to divide and destroy
when this is the season to unite us with joy.
At Christmastime, we're taught to unite.
We don't need a made-up reason to fight.
So on O'Reilly, on Hannity, on Coulter and those right-wing blogs.
You should sit back and relax, have a few egg nogs.
'Tis the holiday season; enjoy it a pinch.
With all our real problems, do we really need another Grinch?
So to my friends and my colleagues, I say with delight,
a Merry Christmas to all, and to Bill O'Reilly, happy holidays.
Ho, ho, ho. Merry Christmas."
People, people. Satire, anyone?
a clarification....
The resolution was real. The comments attributed to its author are false.
Post a Comment
<< Home